Wednesday - September 26, 2007

To mention the unmentionable

So, I know you've all been waiting for this. Those of you who were there wanted to see the pictures I'd been snapping all day, and those of you who weren't want to hear what happened and see the pictures I'd been snapping all day.

Let me forewarn you, though.

What you will find herein will not be a tale of debauchery. It will not split up the marriage-to-be. There are no dark secrets to hold as blackmail here. So, if you're looking for a cheap thrill, or to point at Carl and say, "OMG I can't believe he did that!" you won't find it here. Sorry to disappoint.

With that out of the way, on with the show!

First thing's first - Paintball. There's nothing quite like waking up in the morning, throwing on some clothes, and getting pelted with high velocity spheres! We all met up at Maxx Play for a little "Reball" action. Reball is a bit like paintball, only you use rubber balls instead of paint filled balls. They don't break on impact, so it's kinda honor-system on whether you're hit or not... until you lift your shirt and see the evidence.

That's not a welt. I want that perfectly clear. This game is SO manly, that if we don't slam beers, slobber over naked women, race monster trucks, or watch football, the testosterone starts to bubble up in the form of these large testosterone blisters. Here's one developing on my ribs.

The games were 3v3 once Carl's father Bob showed up - Thanks for being a good sport and playing with us kids, Bob! You kicked ass! Generally we just randomly started assigning "team captains" per round and arbitrarily picking people. One got first pick, the other got choice of side of the arena. Then we'd pelt one another with rubber bullets, talk about how awesome it was, and go at it again. Never was a dispute raised, and we all had a great time!

After that, it was off to Uno's for lunch. We realized we actually had a lot of our Warhammer 40K group there, so the discussion quickly turned to that. We ate, we chatted, and shared war stories from an hour ago when we were all intent on maiming one another with air guns. I had the teriyaki salmon, and it ruled.

Midday, we all split up and went our separate ways. It was off to take showers, change clothes, take care of whatever real-life stuff that needed to happen, and prepare for the night ahead. Then, it was off to Osaka japanese restaurant - one of the finest dining establishments I've ever had the honor and privilege of patronizing. We lost Pat to work, but gained Gherik (who sadly, pulled up just as we were leaving). It was dinner at the hibachi, and all the sake I could cram down Carl's throat. Carl liked to make a show of how I was getting drunk and he wasn't even on his way, but he tipped his hand a bit later in the night when he turned to us and exclaimed, "... whoah," in that I just got really dizzy way.

Dinner was exemplary as always, and then it was - after short discussion on what we all wanted to do - off to Wellington Pub for alcohol, alcohol, and karaoke!

This is the point in the night where things got terribly interesting. I spent the evening going drink for drink with Carl, and testing the waitress' knowledge of shots to mix of all exotic colors and flavors. Among that list:

• Blow Jobs
• Incredible Hulks (kinda minty...)
• Oatmeal Cookies
• Tequila Slammers
• Flaming Wellington (The house secret)
• Jaegermeister (Carl had tequila instead)
• Irish Car Bomb (Carl refrained)

I'm pretty sure there was more, and there were some that were multiples... I remember more than one oatmeal cookie, and definitely more than one incredible hulk. But wow.... were WE drunk! We had one another crying mercy by 11:30 that night.

Trying to do a blow job shot the way they were intended - with no hands. Wellington needs smaller shot glasses - I couldn't fit it in my mouth, and had to drink it the regular way.

That's alright, though, Carl couldn't do it either. Though trying to do a blow job shot wasn't the only iffy thing we saw Carl do that night...

But the thing that made that night entirely worth while was not what we all added to the mix for Carl, but specifically what his FATHER put into the mix... The ball and chain padlocked to his ankle.

Yup! Sure enough, he had to lug that thing around with him everywhere he went... and as I was holding the keys, I didn't remove it from him before I left for the night. Josh was cool enough to DD for us, so he dropped me off first, and I took both keys with me, with the promise of removing it the next morning.

Apparently, though, since Carl had thought himself clever in slipping out of it earlier, his dad padlocked it a might bit tighter the second time, and it was actually hurting Carl all night. He called me about 8:30 in the morning, and told me to bring the keys over ASAP. At that point, i was feeling funky, but I was still in bed and hadn't grasped the depth of my hangover yet. So I said, naively, "sure thing. Be right there."

Boy was I in for a surprise.

I made it to the couch. For that, I'm proud of myself. I gathered the courage to pop two pills for the massive headache, and got a whole sip or two of water in before - as my friend Jason put it - I got the "containment breach imminent" warning from my stomach.

I did not turn out to be a good day for me at all. Sadly, I never made it to Carl's, and he ended up having to borrow someone's Dremmel tool (or something like that) and ground through one of the links. Sorry Carl. :(

All in all - I'd say everyone had a fun time, and the party was largely a success! Thanks to everyone who helped make it what it was, and sorry for those who couldn't make it!