Wednesday - January 16, 2008

Taking the kids to the V.E.T. 

Last night, while I was over at Rob and Vicki's, my wife called to inform me that the vet was holding Domino's medication hostage.

Apparently, they were a little overdue for their checkups, so they told us they would exchange his medication for an appointment for the kids. It sounded like a good deal - an offer we couldn't refuse - so the appointment was set for 9 this morning.

Now, I remember things being a little different last time I tried to toss two small, docile kittens into a cat carrier and tote them off to the vet. I remember them being far easier to deal with, and somehow, I remember them both fitting in the cat carrier at the same time. Apparently, this is no longer the case.

I was smart about my attack plan - first, I closed the doors to the bedroom and computer room, so neither cat could flee to someplace inaccessible, like under the bed. The cats, of course, immediately knew something was up, and were on guard. Then the cat carrier came out of the closet which set both of them into a blind panic. I set it in the middle of the floor, and went out to start my car so the cats wouldn't freeze on the way to the office.

This, however, is where my plan went awry.

I tried loading Paradox into the carrier first, thinking Domino would be much easier to handle with one pet already in the cage. It was then that I saw my darling little lady turn into a furious ball of fur and claws - the few she has left -  scrambling as if her life depended on it, and showing acts of strength and dexterity unwitnessed since Cirque de Soliel. She was, to wit, a beast uncaged.

I also came to the realization, after finally wedging her into the carrier, that both her and Dom were going to be rather cramped in that thing. I thought back to my childhood, and grabbed two laundry baskets, a towel, a zip-tie, and some bungie cords. A second cat carrier was born of these things, and an easy, top-loading one at that.

Paradox was let out so I could put Dom into the official carrier. This was getting tiring really quick. Dom went in the cage with little trouble, and Paradox was able to be placed in the new laundry basket carrier easily as well. FINALLY!

*pant, pant, pant*

I now truly understand why when something is a futile pursuit, they say it's like herding cats. "They," apparently, were not just whistling Dixie.

I got them down the road to the vet clinic, serenaded by two of my loved ones crying like they were on death row. Half way down the road, Paradox decided that crying was futile and gave up all hope, and simply put her head down and sulked... it was one of the most heartbreaking things I've witnessed in a while. Dom, however, had the good grace to be a whiney bitch all the way there.

Inside, things were much the same. Even after I opened Paradox's carrier, she stayed huddle up with her head down and eyes hidden, and wouldn't look at me save for an occasional reproachful glare that simply said, "You ruined my life. I hate you." When we pulled her out for her examination, she stuck her head between my arm and my body and cowered there. I figured, if she thinks she's hidden, the vet can work. It was pathetic and sad, but at least she was reasonably still for the vet.

Dom, on the other hand, was just being stubborn. He looked like he was just lounging around the house, but when I went to pull him out of the carrier, he wouldn't budge. It took a bit of reaching and prying, but he finally came along and was good the rest of the time. He cuddled up to me out of fear, but soon enough we were done, and packed up again to go.

As usual, once they were home again, they leapt out of their confinement to scatter themselves to some hiding spot where I will never ever ever find them again. Smilely seemed a bit pissed that I had the nerve to bring those.... things back into the house after I'd gotten rid of them, but refrained from a fresh set of hissing and growling like she usually does.

I was glad to have that done. There's nothing worse than hearing my kids crying.